Scarred
by Ghost Wulf
Summary: Determination to prove himself worthy drove Zuko's every action. But when it drove him to enter a war meeting and he spoke out of turn, everything changed. Everything became scarred.


**Scarred**

_Zuko's POV_

"Come _on_, Zuzu. Stop being a coward."

"I'm not a coward, Azula," I hissed. "And how many times do I have to tell you not to call me that?!"

She ignored the last part, flipping a bit of hair over her shoulder. "You are too a coward, Zuzu. What other reason would you have for not coming with me?"

The flame in my hand flickered and I gritted my teeth, hoping she hadn't seen it. She kept a crackling blue flame going in her palm effortlessly, never giving it a glance. I could feel sweat beading on my forehead from the Fire Bending effort and I could only hope she couldn't see well by the scant light of two flames. I wouldn't be outdone by her again.

"It's stupid to risk it," I growled, forcing my will into the sputtering flame. It flared a bit, keeping more of the night's darkness at bay. "If we get caught, Father will be furious."

"Oh, psh. We won't get caught. By the way, your fire's dying."

"It is not!" I snapped. My anger made the flame flare again.

She shrugged. "Whatever you say. Look, are you coming or not?"

I felt a flash of defiance and straightened up a bit more. "No. I'm not."

Her eyes narrowed like a predator's. "That's just like you, Zuzu. Too weak to take a risk." She waved her free hand breezily. "Oh well, you would only slow me down anyway."

"Azula—" I started angrily, but her flame disappeared and she vanished. I growled in frustration. More sweat beaded on my forehead and my fire finally coughed a trail of smoke and went out. I clenched my fists, lowering the hand that had held the flame. Down the hall ahead of me, faint moonlight spilled over the dark red floor, the only light remaining.

It was stupid. Azula was stupid. Of course I felt as curious as her about the message Father had received, but it was just stupid to break into his private chamber to look at it. Even if it had made him pale for a moment—something my father never did.

I continued to stare down the hallway and, against my will, my foot slid forward a step. Then I shook myself hard and backed up. I couldn't. If father wanted me to know what the message was about, then he would tell me. What kind of son would I be if I broke into his chambers and snooped through things without permission? No, I wouldn't.

I turned and made my way back to my bedroom in the darkness, feeling the wall when I needed to be sure of my direction.

Just as I slipped inside and began to slide the door closed, I heard voices approaching. Unable to stifle my curiosity, I left the door open a crack and pressed my ear to it.

"—ronger than I thought," said a deep voice, becoming clear as it grew closer.

"Yes, I've heard about that as well," replied a second voice. "General Zolin says he has an idea for a solution. Firelord Ozai scheduled that meeting tomorrow to discuss it."

"Ah, so that's the reason. I had wondered."

The voices sounded like they were right outside now. I turned my head and peered through the crack. Two tall figures, heavily shadowed by dark clothing and dim light, strode past my door and continued down the hall. I caught a flash of light glinting off something—perhaps armor. Military men? Of course, the meeting the second one had referred to had to be a war meeting.

"Now," the second one said, seeming to dismiss whatever matter they'd been discussing. His voice grew fainter as they rounded a corner, still walking away from me. "This problem of theft we've had. It seems to be—"

His voice trailed out of hearing and I slid my door shut completely, my mind racing. So my father had scheduled a war meeting to talk about something important. If only I could have heard what. Maybe it was the same thing that message was about. My heart pounded and I bit my lip. Perhaps I could find out what that message was about in a perfectly fine way. I didn't like to think about what could make my father pale, and maybe I could help. I probably wouldn't have any ideas a full war council couldn't come up with, but it wasn't impossible.

A war meeting. I'd never been to one before but, then again, I'd never tried to go. I had to be old enough—my father probably just hadn't invited me yet because I'd never asked.

The more I thought about it, the more excited I grew about the idea, and not just for the reason of finding out about the message. This could be my chance to be involved in the war efforts more. I could learn more. I could _do_ more. Maybe I'd finally be able to show my worth.

Wearing a giant grin, I turned and jumped onto my bed, rolling over so I lay on my back. I stripped my shirt off and rolled it up in my hands, tossing it at my bedside table—sending the thick red ribbon that usually held my hair into a ponytail after it. I shook my head, letting my now-loose hair fall down around my neck. Then I folded my arms behind my head and closed my eyes, nestling down into the comfortable sheets.

Tomorrow, I would go to the war meeting. Definitely.

Oh man, Azula was going to be _so_ jealous. The thought made me look forward to it even more.

The next day, I dressed in my best and casually kept an eye on the curtain that led to the throne room. Two guards stood before it, as usual, but no one entered all through the morning. I tried to keep up the pretense of studying and not look too interested but anticipation burned in me, making me fidget every so often.

Azula came by once to gloat about learning what the message was about. I acted disinterested perfectly—because it wasn't really acting. She tried to tempt me into begging her for details but I didn't take the bait. Finally, she made a snide comment about my weirdness for studying in the corridor outside the throne room and left. I smirked at her back, enjoying the imagined image of her face after she found out my real intentions.

Not an hour into the afternoon, the first military people started filtering into the throne room. I quickly gathered up my studying materials and sent them back to my room with a servant. I straightened my clothes and then, heart thumping wildly, marched forward towards the curtain.

"Excuse me, my prince, may I help you?" one of the guards asked, shifting just slightly to bar me entrance.

I nodded. "I'm going to the war meeting."

A beat of silence passed and then he asked, clearly surprised, "Your father invited you?"

I felt my ears burn. "Not exactly, but he won't have a problem with it."

Shouldn't, I amended silently. I crossed my fingers at my sides in a hopeful gesture.

"I'm sorry, Prince Zuko," the second guard said, shaking his head. "We cannot allow you entry if you haven't been invited by the Firelord."

"I'm his son," I protested.

Both guards shook their heads stubbornly. I argued with them in frustration for several minutes but they never budged an inch. Finally, out of justifications and arguments, I simply demanded, "Let me pass!"

I felt a gentle hand on my shoulder as the guards offered no response. In surprise, I turned to find my uncle Iroh standing behind me. He kept his hand on my shoulder and drew me away a few paces.

"Prince Zuko, what's wrong?" he asked quietly.

I tried to keep the frustration from my voice. "I want to go to the war meeting but the guards won't let me pass."

My voice broke on 'pass' and I grimaced.

A smile tugged at my uncle's mouth. "You're not missing much, believe me."

"_Still_," I growled, the frustration bubbling through. I couldn't miss this! "If I'm going to rule someday, don't you think I should be learning as much as I can? I'm thirteen now—surely that's old enough to attend a war meeting!"

My uncle regarded me in silence for a moment before he inclined his head once. My heart leaped in my chest and I felt a smile break out on my face, even before he spoke.

"Very well," he said. He held up a finger and met my eyes steadily. "On the condition that you do not speak. These old military men tend to be sensitive, so it will be best for you to contemplate in silence. Understand?"

I nodded enthusiastically and bowed. "Thank you, Uncle!"

He smiled at me and guided me through the curtain that led to the throne room. The guards stepped aside when he motioned them to and I felt my smile turn a bit smug.

I'd seen the inside of the throne room many times before, but one thing had changed for the meeting. A large map of the world had been rolled out on the floor and cushions surrounded it. Most of them had been filled by military men already, sitting cross-legged. Their gazes all rested on me.

"Iroh, what is the meaning of this?"

My father's voice drew my eyes to his. He sat on his throne at the head of the room, surrounded by a wall of ever-constant fire. His eyes narrowed on me a bit and I resisted the urge to swallow. I just had to explain and—

"Prince Zuko expressed to me his desire to learn more about the war," my uncle said, interrupting my thoughts. "I think this is a good opportunity for him."

My father studied me for a moment before he nodded. Once again, I felt my heart jump. Things were turning out!

"Pay attention and learn well, Zuko," my father said.

I suppressed a grin and bowed, pressing one closed fist to the bottom of my opposite palm in the Fire Nation sign of respect. My father nodded at me once and I followed Uncle to a spot near the wall of fire, at the western end of the map. No one else made any comment—or objections—on my presence and I fought to keep my smile under control.

Within another five minutes, all of the cushions but one had been filled (although two people were missing, since I had taken someone's place). My father gestured for the meeting to begin; I resisted the urge to lean forward.

One of the men, a general, by his uniform, cleared his throat, sliding to his feet. "Let's get straight to it, then. We are nearing the end of the struggle with the Earth Kingdom—the eastern side is completely ours and only the strongest cities and the villages around them hold their ground in the west."

He gestured at the map with a thin wooden pointer as he spoke. Small pieces scattered over the Earth Kingdom—emblazoned with the symbol of our nation—showed where we had troops. Other pieces—these with the Earth Kingdom's symbol—showed where we were being held back. I studied it all, committing it to memory.

"Ba Sing Se . . ." the general started, his eyes sliding to Uncle as he spoke, an accusing note in his voice, "has eluded us for long enough. I believe we should direct our troops there."

I felt a flare of anger. My uncle had been forced to abandon his siege on Ba Sing Se when my cousin died—how could the general blame him for that?

I glanced at my uncle but his eyes remained on the map—on Ba Sing Se. I looked as well. The great Earth Kingdom capitol. The city that would never fall.

I cocked my head a bit and looked closer, studying the layout. Strong cities still surrounded Ba Sing Se; if we attacked, they could use the cities to supply their men and rotate the troops. Their army could remain refreshed and ready to fight while ours wore itself down.

My eyes slid a bit father east. One city stronghold—Omashu—had been stripped of its surrounding villages. Strategically, the city had been built well. Small bridges led to the few entrances the city had. At most, I guessed we could fit five men at a time going across each one—not enough to stop the Earth Benders from keeping us at bay. But the bridges weren't long enough to be out of arrow range. If we placed archers on the steady ground at the mouths of the bridges, they could take out defenders from a distance while our troops rushed in. Difficult, yes, but I could see us winning the battle there—Ba Sing Se seemed a hopeless cause.

I looked up at the general and opened my mouth, but then froze. My uncle had said not to speak but was it okay if I had a good idea? I bit my lip, remembering how my uncle's eyes had met mine, firm. No, he'd been serious. I couldn't speak here. That wouldn't stop me from talking to him about it later, though.

With that decided, I looked back up at the general.

"The Earth Kingdom's defenses are strongest around their capitol of course—stronger than our initial intelligence led us to believe. They have their best Earth Benders and warriors lined up here, ready to fight at a moment's notice." The general tapped an area of the map where the Earth Kingdom pieces were cluttered thickly. The pieces stood between our troops and the first villages around Ba Sing Se. "We need to get past them in order to continue our invasion. I suggest the forty-first division."

I stared. One division against _that_? He couldn't be serious! I looked down at the Fire Nation piece his wooden pointer had pushed forward. No special marks declared it as one of our strongest divisions. What was he thinking?

Beside me, my uncle stiffened.

"But the forty-first is composed entirely of new recruits," another man protested, rubbing his beard with a hand. "How do you expect them to defeat such a strong defense?"

A cruel smirk twisted the general's lips and his voice came out cold. "I don't. They'll be a distraction so that our strongest battalion can attack from the rear. After all . . . what better to use as bait than fresh meat?"

I was on my feet before I could think, my voice raised as I cried, "You can't sacrifice an entire division like that! Those soldiers love and defend our nation—how can you even think of betraying them?!"

Silence fell in the room, seeming to frost over the air. My heart fell and I followed my uncle's gaze behind me to my father's cold, amber eyes.

"Zuko," my father said quietly, his voice deadly ice. "Your challenge of the general's words shows a complete lack of respect."

I opened my mouth but the stumbling apology lodged in my throat. I could feel my fingers trembling at my sides. I hadn't meant disrespect—the general's plan was just cruel and wrong!

"There can be only one solution," my father continued, rising from his throne.

"Ozai," Uncle said quietly.

"Quiet, Iroh," my father hissed. "You will show respect in my chambers as well." His eyes found mine again, hard as stone. "Zuko, for your disrespect, you will face—"

Somehow, my brain saw the sentence coming. My heart and breathing stopped and the two words fell in complete silence, shattering it.

"—Agni Kai."

No one spoke. No one breathed. My eyes strayed to the general I had spoken against. I thought of facing someone three times my age—three times my experience—in a duel. The tremors in my fingers grew more pronounced.

Then I thought of his plan. Of how he would willingly send an entire battalion of men to the slaughterhouse without a second thought. I met his cold eyes, saw the smugness and heartlessness there, and my fingers curled into fists.

"I'm not afraid," I said, breaking the silence.

At my side, my uncle looked stricken. My eyes returned to my father's and his betrayed nothing.

"Very well," he said. "In fifteen minutes, the Agni Kai will commence. Leave, Zuko."

I bowed, giving the Fire Nation sign of respect again, before turning and leaving the room. I could feel every eye follow me and my palms grew sweaty. I kept my stride even, kept myself from dashing away.

The guards said nothing when I exited and I didn't look at either of them. Once out of sight, I made my way to my room as quickly as I could.

I stripped off my shirt with shaky fingers and left it lying at the foot of my bed. At one corner of my room rested a basin of water and I crossed to it, splashing my face. I gripped the edges and steadied my breathing. I really wasn't afraid to face the general, but I knew I wasn't ready either.

Not that I'd given myself any choice.

I returned to my bed and leaned against it to pull my shoes and socks off. Then I stood in silence for a moment. Nothing left to do.

I slipped from my room and made my way to one edge of the palace. To the training grounds. To where Agni Kais were held.

"There you are, Zuzu."

My heart fell at the sound of Azula's voice. She appeared from the shadows and moved to stand before me, blocking my way. She raised an eyebrow, eyeing me up and down.

"You're dressed up," she commented, a smirk beginning to grow on her face.

"Training. Get out of my way, Azula."

She shook her head. "No, no, not training. You can train in any kind of dress. But . . . there's a certain standard for . . . Agni Kais."

I hated how fast her mind worked. I hated that smirk on her face. I hated the smug note in her voice.

"Go away." I shouldered past her, knowing it would do no good to lie since she always saw right through me.

"Ooh!" she squealed in delight, turning to keep pace with me. "Who are you dueling? I do hope this isn't petty or boring, Zuzu."

"It isn't," I whispered.

"Mmm, that sounds serious." She moved to walk backwards in front of me. "Who is it? Who made the challenge? What are you dueling over?"

I didn't want to tell her but I found the words slipping out quietly anyway. "I disrespected a general."

Her eyes widened and she clapped her hands. "Oh, Zuzu! You're going head to head with a general?" She laughed. "Oh this is such a good day. You know you're going to get pulverized, right?"

I snarled at her and shoved her out of the way. She continued to laugh and shouted after me, "Don't worry, Zuzu! I'll make sure everyone's there to watch you get smashed!"

I broke into a run. Her mocking laughter followed me.

My heart thumped in my chest wildly by the time I reached the training grounds. Already, a few people were seated in the stands. Whispers slithered between them as I entered. I looked away and walked up to stand on the long Agni Kai platform. How could people have found out already?

I knelt at the southern end of the platform, facing away from the opposite side. I closed my eyes and tried to forget the people and Azula and everything else. My breathing slowed into meditation style and I thought only of my opponent and how I could combat a master.

In a stray thought I couldn't keep at bay, I found myself wishing I had never heard about the war meeting.

I came back to myself from my meditation when someone placed something around my shoulders. I looked up and the servant backed away, bowing quickly. Around my shoulders hung the traditional symbol for a participant in an Agni Kai—a simple piece of cloth emblazoned with our nation's emblem.

Around me, the stands had filled. I stiffened as I scanned all the faces. So many people. . . .

My eyes lighted on Uncle, meeting his. He looked on the verge of tears and I frowned. Ahead of him stood Azula but her eyes were focused on something else. Maybe my opponent. I looked away, unable to stand the delight on her face. She'd probably throw a party if I got burned.

A horn sounded near me, echoing in the area. It had begun.

I slid to my feet and turned in one smooth motion, raising my hands into battle position. I took a deep breath, steadying my nerves. The symbolic cloth fell from my shoulders and I looked up. The general would—

I stared into a set of amber eyes, identical to mine.

For a moment, the world froze. My father's eyes held no hint of emotion, cold as stone. He too stood in the battle position and he took a step forward, one arm beginning to move.

Reality slammed back into motion and I hit my knees.

"Zuko," my father growled, just loud enough for me to hear.

"I won't fight you," I cried, my voice cracking.

This couldn't be happening. This couldn't be happening. This couldn't be happening.

"You _will_ fight," he hissed in return. "We will resolve your issue of disrespect."

I shook my head wildly. "Please, Father, I only had the Fire Nation's best interests at heart! I'm sorry I spoke out of turn!"

He advanced, fury becoming evident on his face. I laid my arms on the cold floor before me, bowing until my forehead touched them. This couldn't be happening!

"Please, Father," I begged, tears beginning to burn my eyes. "I meant you no disrespect—I am your loyal son."

"Fight for your honor, coward," he snarled.

I looked up at him as he came to stand before me, tears spilling over my cheeks.

"I won't fight you!" I repeated, the words choked.

He said nothing for a moment, fury boiling in his eyes. Then, slowly, he drew one arm back. "You _will_ learn respect . . . and suffering will be your teacher."

His arm snapped forward and flames filled my vision, agony exploding in my head. I screamed and raised my arms as if to ward off the pain, already too late.

I sank into darkness.

* * *

_Authoress's Note: I know we already know the story from the show, but for some reason I've just always wanted to write it out. I always thought it deserved more detail. So this is kind of a tribute to my favorite character, because Zuko totally deserves praise for living through everything he did._


End file.
